The Tone.

What is it with the tone of a voice that individually wraps words in emotion? Let me explain. Today I was doing bill pay while my husband was breathing over my shoulder. And since I don't do it exactly the way he pays a bill, he says, "Why would do it that way?"

Now, I know you think this sounds like an innocent question, but trust me, it's not. It was the tone that sacrificed the innocence of the question. It became an accusation with just a slight variation on his voice and where the emphasis lies.

"Why would you do it THAT way?!" Like it's utterly ridiculous to do it any other way than his. And the face. It's crumpled into wrinkles of disbelief and disapproval. The words were asking a question, but his face was conveying that I'm a fucking imbecile.

I stopped what I was doing and calmly said, "Excuse me, am I harming little children because I'm paying a bill differently than you? Are seals dying on the shores of a beach because I like to use a different screen to pay a bill? The bill is paid and it took ten seconds. I'm cool with it. Enough with the look of distaste when things are not done your way."

He did not see this at all and said, "What? I just asked why you did it that way. It was a question." In his mind, he sang me a lullaby before asking why his sweetie pays a bill differently than he does.

This goes back to Nietzsche's philosophy that perspective is reality. Sometimes our reality is different and this causes conflict. Everyone wants everyone else to see reality the way we see it.

I want everyone to see that my husband was dictating the way I paid a bill. He wants everyone to see that he was asking a simple question.

The fact is, both are right because that's how we perceive it. That's when a couple calls a truce and agrees to let it slide off their backs. Different doesn't have to clash, it's just different.

Although, in the future when I pay a bill, I may do it alone.