The Story Changes.

My story changed. I was convinced I had postpartum psychosis, but two therapists on the PSI board visited the site and read my story. Independently, they both reached out to say, "Kelly, from what I've read, it appears your experience was more OCD and not psychotic. The difference being, you were aware and scared of your thoughts. You knew they were wrong. Someone with psychosis wouldn't know they were wrong."

Keep in mind, they were not diagnosing me in any way, shape or form. Rather, they invited me to take a look at symptoms of OCD to see if that fit well with my personal exprience.

This sent me on a researching frenzy and when I finally found the postpartum OCD test, I felt a rush of peace. I couldn't believe that I wasn't the only one with scary, intrusive thoughts! The test is attached on the Symptom Checker tab. I invite everyone to take a look at it. OCD is more than turning a doorknob 20 times before leaving their home. It's about intrusive, scary thoughts too (and more!).

A lot of women make the same mistake I did, thinking they're psychotic, when in fact, it's OCD. Two very different conditions. Both of which require a visit to a doctor. If anything, you'll have peace of mind and the ability to make sense of what is happening to you.

I hid my condition from everyone and now I'm paying the price in frustration. It's been eight years and I'm still on a journey of discovery. Because in order to understand my inner workings, I need to know where my vulnerable spots are. I need to know where to be gentle with myself. I need to know what happened to me. If I was in a car crash, I would want to know how it happened so I could understand which areas need attention...the wheels, oil, engine?

So, to avoid the frustration I'm feeling, check in with a therapist/doctor and give yourself some peace. Allow it to propel you on your awesome journey of self-discovery!